Pig Hops and Pet Shops

Popcorning is the term given to when a young guinea pig does a little electrified hop with excitement and happiness. It's intense, adorable, and a great way to know you're doing a good job as pig parent. If your pig suddenly stops popping for his favourite things, you know something's very wrong.

Recently my pig Pumpkin stopped popping, and the reason was obvious. For most of his life, he had lived with two old lady pigs in a happy little harem, but inevitably, they passed away, the first of old age and the second of a broken heart for her sister. The old ladies in question, Sausage and Pudding, had come to me when they were already two-years-old, so I had never seen them popcorn with excitement. They were calm and placid pigs who generally conducted themselves with grace. Pumpkin on the other hand was an amorous little soul, and I was thrilled to have him popcorning from one end of the run to the other, followed by boisterous rumble-struts to assert his piggly masculinity.

Of course, I knew that Pumpkin would outlive the girls, but as he was in need of a home when I adopted him, I figured that I would cross that bridge when I came to it, and didn't really give much thought to how close that bridge might be. Thanks to my poor planning, Pumpkin was widowed at a year old.

Coming home from work one day to find I suddenly had only one pig, I frantically searched online to try and figure out my next move, and find a new guinea pig to keep him company. Unfortunately, Pudding could not have chosen a worse time of year to kick the tiny piggy bucket, and no mature lady pigs were looking for homes online or in local shelters. A male pig was out of the question. Pumpkin's fragile masculinity meant that he felt threatened by other men. The remaining short term option was to do without.

Some online accounts of pig owners claimed that their pigs were fine living alone, happy as a pig in mud. Others claimed Pumpkin would need two hours of cuddles a day and extra toys to keep him occupied, and of course the majority warned against keeping a lone pig. Taking heart from the positive accounts, I started holding and cuddling and treating Pumpkin all through the day, ramming carrots and apples into his food dish, and gently kissing his nose. The effects were non-existent. Pumpkin huddled in his bed, ignored his carrots, and waddled everywhere slowly — not a popcorning to be seen.

The next day I held him, groomed him, and made plans to make a piggy sling so that he wouldn't have to sit in his run alone. Never have I talked to an animal as much, or seemed more insane, I'm sure. That night I found him eating newspaper sadly in a corner, a pile of fresh hay by his side.

On the third day, I made the decision that any female pig would do as a companion. As much as I would have loved to shower Pumpkin with attention every day and form some kind of close piggy bond with him, it would be cruel and selfish to make him live in solitude. Plans to source a female pig were made.

Finally, I did something I never thought I would do. I went to a local independent pet shop and paid £15 for an eight-week-old guinea pig. The experience of buying a living thing was surreal — I have always made every effort as an adult to adopt any pets I might take on. Regardless, I hoped that the sacrifice would be worth it.

After gently dropping the tiny pig into the run in a complicated, trying not to freak out the dog situation, I watched apprehensively. She bolted like furry lightening into a hide and Pumpkin... didn't notice her. I picked him up, gave him a snuggle, and plopped him down nearer the hide. He sniffed, waddled cautiously closer, and then poked his nose inside to gently investigate. The effects were instant. He proceeded to rumble-strut from one end of the run to the other, with popcorns along the way, and I knew that I wouldn't see him in the corner eating newspaper anymore.Was it worth putting money into the pet trade? I don't know if I'm qualified to answer that. I know that I've provided support for the over breeding of small animals, rather than taking on an older pig in need of a home. I might take some comfort from having gone to a small business rather than a large chain pet store I shall not speak the name of, but not much. Ultimately this situation, and Pumpkin's three days of loneliness, were caused by my taking on an animal without properly planning for the future, a mistake everyone should try to avoid. Now I'm back to having a two piggy household, and will endeavour to plan for them properly so that they are happy for the rest of their lives.

P.S. We named her Squash.