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Omar's Diary to August 10, 2019

His unique and honest view of the world continues

By Alan RussellPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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It does not feel very much like summer currently as there have been heavy rains and strong winds attacking the windows of Omar Towers that are forecast to continue for the rest of today. It feels like the encroachment of Autumn into Summer. A good day for remaining indoors and sorting things out.

Its a pleasant thing, come autumn to make plans’. Virginia Woolf – 10th August 1920.

Preparing for a vacation & BREXIT

Preparations for Mitzi and I to go on our vacation have continued. On Thursday evening we had the last of our injections at our private medical centre. We were both issued with small booklets confirming our name, home address, and medical records. This must be the feline equivalent of what the servants refer to as passports. Ours are not of the same quality as those currently used by the servants whenever they travel.

Ours are a simple single fold piece of thick paper whereas the servants’ passports are small burgundy coloured booklets with their photograph and several pages. I can only assume that as we are this close to BREXIT that Mitzi and I have been issued with the sort of passport the servants will be issued with post BREXIT. Ours do not even have the royal crest on them. They are gaudily adorned with advertising, which must be a way of subsidizing their cost.

I wonder how the servants’ new passports will be subsidized and what they will look like?

The Servants have been discussing what should be packed in our valises and the hamper. They have been told to pack an item of their clothing or anything that will carry their scent for Mitzi and I to have as comfort blankets in case we get homesick. Lady Servant is going to pack one of her dressing gowns. Most sensible. Man Servant… well! I won’t go into much detail about his suggestion in case anyone who is reading this is enjoying their breakfast. Thank goodness Lady Servant has assumed full responsibility for our packing.

Methinks that Man Servant's most preposterous suggestion was in fact part of a Machiavellian plot to absolve himself from packing duties. If it was then he did learn something from reading The Prince.

One small step for a servant and still no phone signal

In July, Man Servant and I watched some of the documentaries celebrating the 50th anniversary of when servants first stepped on to the moon. We both marveled at the achievement.

All of it was achieved with basic technology compared to what is available today in terms of computer power. A mobile phone today has more memory than the computer on board the LEM. What Man Servant and I had issue with is that Mission Control on earth could speak almost instantaneously with the servants on the moon. Yet 50 years later with all the infrastructure of satellites and masts servants lament the scenario that they cannot get a signal in parts of the New Forest. And worse, the phones run out of power.

That never happened with the LEM.

Larry and his new servant

Larry, the Downing Street feline, cannot be seeing much of his new servant these days, and this causes me great concern. The media is dominated by this new servant jumping out of various modes of transport doing what politicians refer to as ‘greet and grins’ around the countryside like a clockwork balatron, and not answering any fundamental questions.

I have one very fundamental question for this new servant. ‘Who is ensuring that Larry is being looked after in the appropriate manner while you, as his newly appointed servant, gallivant around the country?’ It is a fundamental question that deserves to be answered directly without any embellishment or obfuscations whipped up by the spin doctors in the media office.

This has been put into a letter this weekend to Downing Street, which I hope is answered unlike my previous inquiries on this issue.

satire
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About the Creator

Alan Russell

When you read my words they may not be perfect but I hope they:

1. Engage you

2. Entertain you

3. At least make you smile (Omar's Diaries) or

4. Think about this crazy world we live in and

5. Never accept anything at face value

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