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Omar's Diary—May 24, 2019

A troubled few days to say the least.

By Alan RussellPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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This last week has not been the best of weeks here at my official residence, Omar Towers.

In the wake of my photograph appearing in The New European, along with a short ‘bio’, I believe that is the correct journalistic term, there have been no requests for me to make any guest appearances. Not even a booking to open a supermarket, or new pet shop. I can only assume as increasing numbers of servants’ shop online nowadays that these events are becoming rarer with every click of the mouse on the ‘basket’ icon.

Fame is so fleeting and fickle, but at least it touched me if only for a short while, which in the long term, might be a blessing in disguise.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet’ – Billy Connolly.

If that is what it entails, then fame doesn’t really interest me, as my main objective in life is to learn about my world, and do no harm.

Over the servants’ breakfast table, the same day that my picture appeared, there was discussion about the family saloon. There was mention that there were some serious problems with it. The main concern was that the ‘head gasket had gone’ and it may not be economical to have it repaired. At last! A possibility that the ‘red thing’ parked in the driveway would be gone, and I could travel in a more discrete saloon.

Man Servant came home last Friday and proudly announced:

‘It’s here, the new car’.

Lady Servant went out to look, and left the front door open. My natural feline curiosity, and hope that there would be a dark maroon or navy-blue vehicle overcame me. Curiosity was satisfied, but my hopes were dashed. There, in the driveway was a ‘red thing’, exactly the same as the one that Man Servant had driven away that morning. I do hope he does not insist on having the roof down when I am being driven anywhere making me look so ‘parvenu’.

The 'Red Thing'

This was bad enough, but my week was about to get worse.

On Tuesday afternoon both Mitsie and I were abruptly disturbed from our slumbers by the sounds of voices in the front garden, and the banging of equipment as it was moved around. The next thing was, without so much as a polite knock on the door or an announcement of what was about to happen—we heard a ladder being placed outside our window. Then there appeared at the window a member of the servant species in overalls with some dreadful looking tools. There was much wrenching of pieces from near the roof, the crashing of wood on the patio, and loud conversation.

It was most disturbing, and I retreated under the bed until I heard their van leave our driveway. Mitsie, on the other paw, sat on the bed watching the proceedings with great interest

On Wednesday it was not quite as bad as Lady Servant was at home. I could snuggle up to her, rather than retreat under the day bed. As for Mitsie! Well, her interest from the previous day extended to going out to the driveway, inspecting the van, and sitting with the 'trade' servants in their overalls.

‘Trade’ finished their work on Thursday morning, and life in Omar Towers returned to its normal rhythms of eat, sleep, and disturbing the servants at every available opportunity.

On Friday the header picture was circulated on social media, without my permission, and the feedback was most upsetting. One servant follower who saw it commented on my body mass, and how it has increased, in her opinion, over the last two years. I have to defend myself by saying that my pose was most unnatural, the camera angle was not the best one to take a photograph from, and the light quality was not brilliant either. I may look slightly corpulent in this picture, but I have to assure everyone that I can still float inside my body.

I saw on the news that ‘Larry’ the Downing Street cat is about to employ another servant as his current one has given in her notice, and will be leaving his employment on June seventh. This is most unfortunate as this will mean he will be employing his third servant within three years. This must be most unsettling for him. I also understand that after June seventh he will only have an interim servant until a permanent one is selected and appointed sometime in July. I do hope the outgoing servant leaves notes and diet sheets for both the interim and permanent servants about Larry for the sake of continuity. And, that he is looked after as befits a feline in such a fine home as 10 Downing Street.

I wonder why there is such a high turnover of servants for Larry. Perhaps it is his fault for setting them seemingly intractable problems to solve.

The servants Mitsie was besotted with.

Larry's bio.

satire
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About the Creator

Alan Russell

When you read my words they may not be perfect but I hope they:

1. Engage you

2. Entertain you

3. At least make you smile (Omar's Diaries) or

4. Think about this crazy world we live in and

5. Never accept anything at face value

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