I Love You Anyways

You adopted me almost three years ago. It has been a little rough, but I am thankful to have you as my master. My love for you is unconditional and unending, and I will carry it with me to my death bed. My greatest purpose is to love you and make you happy, so if what you do to me makes you happy, go ahead.

Your house is packed with dogs of all shapes and sizes and thus a bit dirty, but that’s okay; you are busy with work and usually can’t clean. It sure is a shame that many of the dogs are always asleep. Hey, if they are asleep they don’t get any food, right master? You only put out a bowl or two of food for all of us, so I guess that means less competition.

As I walk into the living room from the hall, I pass the mirror that you have propped up against the wall. My skin is pulled tight over my ribs, is that normal master? All the other dogs here look like that too. There is also a rather large area on my back where the fur won’t grow back. Do you remember what happened to me there, sir? Do you remember when I ran past you in the kitchen a few weeks ago, so you called me back to punish me by dumping the boiling water on me? I remember, and I forgive you, you were just teaching me not to do it again, right? That spot still hurts when someone touches it or you put out your cigarette on it, but it serves as a reminder for me to be careful where I run, especially when you are nearby. My brothers and sisters have burns too, what did they do to deserve them? Reggie, one of the dogs who will not wake up, has a burn that takes up almost his whole back. All that is on his back is pink skin and blisters. I think that when he wakes up, if he ever does, I will ask him if his burn still hurts and what he did to deserve such a horrendous burn.

Oh you’re home. Wait, what? I get to go for a car ride? Thank you master, oh thank you so much. I love you infinitely. Where are we going? I love car rides. You haven’t taken me on one in forever. I love watching the trees pass by while we drive through the neighborhood. I like sticking my head out the window and letting my ears flop in the wind. Well, ear, ever since you cut off the tip of my left ear, there hasn’t been much flopping on that side. I forgive you for that. My ear was probably just too long and you thought I’d look more handsome like this and get more bitches to notice me, am I right master? You just want what is best for me.

We’re here! What is this place? Aren’t you going to take me in with you master? Please don’t leave me in the car. I have no water, and it could get hot. It’s okay, it’s not summer, I shouldn’t get too overheated. I will be here when you get back, but I am going to go to sleep so I don’t feel so thirsty.

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You’re back! I’m sorry I can’t get up to kiss you, but I feel so weak. I need water. Please give me water. Nevermind, I know it makes you angry when I beg. I can wait. I think. It’s funny how you stick your hand out the window like that. Do you like how the wind feels on your hand, like how I like the way the wind blows through my fur? Master, there’s another dog! He’s barking at me, but don’t worry, I won’t bark back at him. I learned my lesson last time, I don’t want to get hit again.

Oh I don’t like the lot we are passing. Do you remember last time when we pulled over there? You had your friend meet up with us. When he pulled up next to your car, you tied me to a stake in the ground nearby and held me down. He pulled out this weird looking tool. He took my tail, do you remember? It still hurts to wag the stub where my tail used to be, why did you let him do that? Was my tail too long for you? If it makes you happier with my appearance, then I’m okay with it.

Where are we stopped now? This doesn’t look like home. You’re picking me up? Oh thank you master, I don’t think you’ve picked me up since you got me. I love to feel so close to you and hear your heart beating, it’s like when my mom and I used to snuggle back at the pound. Wait, please don’t put me down. Ow! Why’d you throw me master? No, you probably didn’t throw me. You probably just slipped, you love me too much to throw me.

Is that water for me? Thank you so much master. I knew you wouldn’t let me stay thirsty. I love you. And I get my own dish of food? Thank you master. I am so happy; it feels good to get some of my strength back. I haven’t had my own meal since the pound. This is so good. I love you master and I knew you cared about me.

You pat your leg, that means I have to catch up. I’m sorry I didn’t see you the first time. I know you are yelling at me to hurry up; I promise I’m trying. I may have eaten too much, I feel sluggish. Ow! You kicked my burn. I forgive you, it was probably just an accident. I love you too much to get mad.

What is this place we are at? There are so many lights and sounds. The people screaming makes me feel so tiny. I feel so overwhelmed. What are we doing here? I want to see my brothers and sisters. Master, why is everyone yelling? What is fresh meat? Do I get more food? What is that pit with the barbed wire fence with a dog in it? You’re picking me up again, oh I love when you do that. Please let me stay in your arms and give you kisses. Oh, you don’t like kisses? That’s okay, I’ll remember that next time so you don’t have to hit me again. No, please don’t throw me in the pit. There’s blood on the ground and that dog doesn’t look very nice. He won’t stop growling and barking at me, and his muscles are twitching, and his pupils are dilated. Master, I can’t play with him, he’d kill me.

Oh master, please no. Oof. Um, hello, who are you? I’m Thor. Why did our masters put us in here? I’m sorry I landed on your feet, but my master kind of threw me in here. Hey! What was that for? You don’t need to snap at me so hard, we are just playing. Come on, I’m bowing, let’s play, I’m ready to play. Ow don’t bit my ankle, that really hurts.

Master, he bit me, what do I do? Please tell me what to do, I don’t want to upset you. Are you yelling for me to fight? Isn’t this just play time? Whatever you say master, if it makes you happy, I’ll fight for you. I’ll stand up even though the spit from this dog’s foaming mouth sends searing pain through my body when it gets into my burn. I’ll fight for you even though my legs ache. I won’t stop fighting for you master. I love you.

Oh, he bit my neck. The blood is pouring out now. Is that how the floor got stained with blood in the first place? Is my blood mixing with other dogs’ blood that he has killed? Am I his first victim or has there been many before me? Did the other dogs survive?

Master, I don’t know how much longer I can do this, but I’m going to try. I’m going to lunge at him. Ah, he hit me off of him master. How do I get up? The ground is so cold and relieves the burning on my back. I want to give up sir, but I can’t yet, there’s still a little fight left in me. I have to make you happy. I’m going to try again. Ah, he pushed me into the wire fence. The barbs are sticking into the blisters on my back and ripping the tender skin open.

Master, I don’t know if I can keep going. All I feel is pain and burning. All I see is red and your angry face looking back at me. I know you want me to get up and fight, but I can’t anymore. I can’t even get up. He has me pinned to the ground by my chest. He keeps snarling in my face and drooling. All I want to do is run back to you. Ow, he bit my neck again. He keeps tearing into my wounds with his teeth. I don’t have much time left master.

I know you liked to hurt me while you had me, and I know you didn’t like when I did certain things, but I think you love me somewhere in your heart. I’m sorry for disappointing you, for not winning, and for making you hurt me. I know that you did hurt me, and I know that you were only doing it since I acted up. Please remember that I forgive you. Please remember that I love you anyways.