Fur Baby Mama

While growing up, my family bred Chihuahuas. I knew the ins and outs of raising puppies. At least I thought. I didn’t realize how normal those dogs were until I adopted my beloved mutt named Remy.

Remy is one Hell of a weirdo, but he made me realize how much of a mom I am and how much of a human he is. Remy is three months old and 20 lbs. This means his love head bonks hurt like a mother ****er.

It started with him being taken away from his mother at four weeks. I found him at six. He had such strong separation anxiety. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying because he thought he was alone. He couldn’t be alone for one second so you couldn’t even take a crap in peace. Which made showers all the more difficult. I’d leave the door open so he could listen in and know he’s not alone. Was that enough for the boy? Not even close. He would come in the bathroom and push the curtain away on each side so he could check in at any time and physically see me. I’d close the curtain, and he’d just come right back up and open it again. He then proceeded to jump in the shower with me and just sit and wait until I was done. Now when it comes to bath time for him, he won’t take a bath but a shower. Otherwise he freaks out.

I was traveling for work and staying in hotels and, sadly, I had to leave him alone for way too long. I’d come home and see that he was so bored that he decided to tear up the carpet, take the lining off the walls, and take all the trash out of the trash can. Was he done? Nope. There’s poop everywhere. I couldn’t be mad because I wasn’t home to train him. You’d think his attachment issues would be cute, until he came with you to pick up his poop and shoved your hand right in.

Remy was finally learning to detach. Because he was not potty trained, he wasn’t allowed to sleep on the linens. We tried that before...No bueno. Instead of waking up crying, he’d take his little pillow on the ground and drag it behind his 7lb self to the side of the bed that I’m sleeping on. He’s just trying to be close to his mama. He started biting a lot. My baby was teething. Like any other human baby, he decided to teeth on everything except his teething toys.

He had to have what I had. Any time he’d see me eat he’d jump up and try to take it. Let’s just say my dog got drunk too many times. He turned out fine, thankfully. I started smacking his nose any time he’d bark, bite, or try and get my food. Until this month, he was stubborn and plain didn’t care about the pain. He saw it as a challenge. With enough time now, he only talks back to me and throws a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants.

Yes, you read that right. My dog throws a fit. He will bark once and whine when I raise my hand, but then will fall over on his side like a horse or passing out like a human. He will then proceed to have his eyes closed and fake sleep. I swear my dog is a teenager but he’s only three months old. He’s fine when everyone is giving him attention, but when he comes home, he’s a menace. It’s like when your mom would be super sweet and caring when your friends were over and then switch into crazy bitch mode when they left.

Anyways, I am away from him for the next two weeks and it’s weird. I'm so used to tip toeing around the house so I won’t wake him up, and sneaking my food so he won’t notice. I wake up expecting to see him on the floor protecting me.

No matter how many times I wind up with his paws kicking my face while he’s sleeping, or his wet cold nose touching me off guard, I miss him. No matter how many times he has farted in my face in his sleep, I still miss waking up next to him. I know Mother’s Day is meant for human baby mamas, but all I can say is I see where the fur baby mamas rise up and celebrate. Cheers. Here’s to all forms of motherhood. It’s not easy nor pleasant, but it’s always worth it!