I Miss You

It's been a month since I lost her. I'm not going to lie, the day she died, I felt as if a chunk of my heart died along with her. As they always tell you: when the days pass by, it does get a little easier to live without them, but it's the memories that still tend to sneak into my head at night and slowly roll down my cheeks.

I remember when I would do chores and one would involve taking trash out. I'd have to put a new trash bag into the trash can, but the moment you shook the trash bag she'd attack it. I'd laugh so much that I would forget what I was doing, resulting in my mom yelling at me to get back to work.

And I'll always remember her same reaction to the vacuum cleaner. Though this time she would try and play tug of war with it and chase it while I tried to use it. And once again, it'd make me laugh until I cried. But on other occasions I would get annoyed by it, as I couldn't vacuum the floor if she wouldn't leave it alone.

I remember the day I discovered she mysteriously knew how to play dead. You say "bang!" and she'd roll on her back with her feet in the air "playing dead." Then she'd wait until you rubbed her belly to get back up again.

She was a smart and pretty little blue-eyed, red merle, Miniature Australian Shepard. But it was the Shepard in her that had gotten her killed, unfortunately. Long story short: she bit the tires of a car and her tooth got stuck between the cracks in the tire. But I'll save the gory details, as you can probably guess what happened after that.

I know one day I'll be able to think about her and not cry, but for now, that's just how it's going to be. She was like my own child, and it hurt the day I had to say goodbye to her forever. Sometimes I still find myself calling her name when I go for a stroll in the pasture with my other dogs. She and my other dogs would always scavenge for mice or rabbits to chase and I'd have to holler for them to come back. And out of habit, her name will slip out and then I'm hit with reality again.

It's just all going to take some time to heal, and though I miss her to pieces, I'm at ease knowing she isn't in pain anymore, and she will always be with me no matter what.

Goodbye my sweet, beautiful Ellie.

4/10/16 - 12/4/18